Lessons for the Question, “Why Are You Single?”

The most important relationship you will have is the one with yourself.
The most important relationship you will ever have , outside of your relationship with your Creator, is the one you have with yourself.

Friendly reminder:

“Single” is not a sickness.

Before you utter those 4 famously annoying words – “Why are you single?” – here are 7 reasons she may be CHOOSING to ride solo dolo:

1. She may be focused on what she’s building & she may not yet have found someone who doesn’t distract from her goals.

2. She may have standards that haven’t been met yet. And she may have passed the stage in life where she’s willing to waste time on people, places or things that show no promise for her future. 

3. She may be single because she receives text messages asking if she wants to “hang out” instead of phone calls asking to take her out.

4. Maybe she’s single because God has yet to reveal her King. HE may be the one who’s not ready for her yet.

5. She may be single because the last guy waged war on her heart and she knows the next guy doesn’t deserve to be punished for it.

6. She may be single because she knows she’s not yet ready to give the time, energy, & effort that a relationship deserves… and she’s not in the business of wasting people’s time. 

7. And finally, maybe, just maybe, she WANTS to be single.

When you ask a woman why she’s single with that ever-present twinge of astonishment in your voice, we get that it’s supposed to be a compliment. (“You’re so amazing. How have you not been ‘snatched up’ yet?”). In reality, it comes across as either too lazy to come up with something original like an ACTUAL compliment, or a not-so-cleverly disguised back-handed insult (“Let me Sherlock Holmes you to find out what’s ‘wrong’ with you that you ‘can’t keep a man’.”).

It implies that we need one of you (yeah, you – in all your belchy, crotch scratchy, oblivious, smelly, leave-whiskers-on-the-sink-and-socks-on-the-floor glory) to complete our happiness. Maybe she’s single because she doesn’t want to have to put the cap back on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down every morning… Maybe she likes that she has the freedom to talk to whomever she so pleases without having to worry about her man getting his feelings hurt. Maybe she prefers the solitude and sanctity of her peaceful Saturdays to herself, or carefree Sunday Fundays with friends. Maybe she’ll want to share those things with a significant other at some point. (As disgusting as some of you may be, you can be pretty amazing sometimes too). Or maybe she won’t. And guess what? She’s entitled to that.

Single is not always indicative of a problem. Serial monogamy on the other hand is. Choosing to be alone and work on your personal growth is a greater display of strength than needing a warm body to sleep next to at night. 

I don’t want to need you. I want to want you. I want to choose you. Choice: That’s more powerful than need. The goal is not dependence. The goal is interdependence. 

Whatever “marital status” category you fall under, I hope it brings your more joy than sorrow, more smiles than tears. There are plenty of lonely people in unfulfilling relationships. 

Please remember, love is not just about finding the “right” person. There is no perfect person. Love is about BEING the right person. 

Fall in love with the person you see in the mirror first. When you have something great, you don’t waste time on anything that might compromise that.

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude”

~Warsan Shire


Eph 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. HE gave up his life for her.” 👈 Maybe she’s waiting for the guy who still believes in that kind of love…


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