Tag Archives: dating

Valentine’s Day is Only Corny if You Are

Seven years ago, I started dating myself on Valentine’s Day…

In other words, seven years ago, I vowed to never be bitter toward love. Like so many women who were dateless every time February 14th rolled around, that day was always bittersweet. The idea of couples pouring affection on each other and people expressing love warmed my heart… And at the same time, the lack of that in my own life always left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. All over the country there would be people expressing their love toward one another, and I would be home – alone, and loveless.

So starting in 2008, I made a choice NOT to be home, alone, and loveless. I reminded myself that I have a God who loves me beyond my wildest imagination – so much so that he paints the sky for me every morning and shines the moon for me every night. He wraps me in acceptance and showers me with grace. He loves me so much He died for me… and would do it again every day if He had to… just to let me know how much He loves me.

I began taking trips every February. I would fly somewhere new and date the city for the day. I’d wander the streets and explore the museums. I’d taste the food and breathe the air. I’d embrace every drop of goodness a city had to offer. I’ve always seen cities as people – each with their own distinct personalities… Each with their own quirks and flaws, but with so many things to love. It was a joy to watch happy couples walk hand-in-hand down Michigan Avenue as I basked in the beauty of snowflakes in Chicago. I partied with Miami and danced with Vegas. I had dinner with the Dominican Republic and dessert with Houston. I soaked up the sun with Hawaii and had the time of my life with Bali. I turned something that was a ping of pain into an abundance of joy.

I CHOSE to enjoy Valentine’s Day because I didn’t like the alternative. I CHOSE to date myself because in all my years of living and dating, I’d never had a Valentine’s date. I attribute this to 3 reasons:

Number one, I’ve only been in relationships on two February 14th’s… Both times with guys who used the “Valentine’s Day is corny” excuse to avoid having to celebrate it. “Yeah, totally corny. Pshhh!” I lied. (insert side eye emoji here).

Number two, I’ve dated some real class acts who picked fights riiiiiight around February 12th so that they could get out of Valentine’s Day duties. (In case you missed it, “class act” is code for the exact opposite of that.)

Number three, and worst of all, men tend to assume that women have experienced everything there is to experience with someone else already.

So let me speak on behalf of women around the world when I say, Gentlemen, please stop assuming. Expressing that you care about someone shouldn’t change just because you think everyone else is doing it on the same day. If anything, it should be even more reason to do it! Don’t assume that she’s had 100 Valentine dates, so one more with you won’t mean much. Stop letting your assumptions that she’s been sent flowers a thousand times keep you from sending her flowers. I don’t know a single woman on the face of the Earth who wouldn’t be tickled pink to have flowers delivered to her doorstep. (Yes I said “tickled pink”. I’ve been hanging out with Grandma a lot lately.)

The point is, even if she’s had 100 roses sent to her job a thousand times, and even if she’s been taken around the world by someone who came before you, doing something nice for her will never go out of style. Make her feel loved. Make her feel appreciated. You’d be surprised at how often she’s had a man do that for her… Most likely, it hasn’t been very often. There is nothing corny about love and appreciation. It’s a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, all anyone wants is to know that someone they care about cares about them… Even on Valentine’s Day.

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Not Interested

I sold books door-to-door in college… 80 hours a week, for 12 weeks, for 5 summers. I knocked on roughly 15,000 doors. I’ve heard the phrase, “I’m not interested” at least 500 times. “I’m not interested” doesn’t really phase me.

But say “I’m not interested” to a man, and he looks at you like you have a third eye. Along with the “Why are you single?” question often comes the assumption that you should be interested in whatever said question-asker has to offer. They seem perplexed and offended that a woman may just not be interested in getting to know them. Gents, before you get your feelings hurt, understand that it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you.

 

Flawless
Flawless

 

So before you ask for her number before you’ve even asked her name, and before you get offended by her response, here are 13 reasons she may not be interested:

1. I’m not interested in getting to know someone who I already know doesn’t share or respect my values. It’s a waste of time. And I’m not in the business of wasting time.

2. I’m not interested in a textationship. If you can’t pick up the phone and have a conversation, I don’t have time for you.

3. I’m not interested in pretending to be attracted to people I’m not attracted to. Don’t get me wrong, a great personality can make you look better and a terrible personality can make the most physically attractive person ugly. Call me vain, call me shallow, call me whatever you like, but if I spend more than a few days with you and your shining personality still hasn’t made you any cuter to me, I’m not interested in faking it.

4. I’m not interested in “hanging out” with a man who hasn’t offered to TAKE me out.

 

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5. I’m not interested in giving my number to someone I’m going to have to politely decline later. Let’s just save ourselves the hassle now.

6. I’m not interested in someone who doesn’t live in my city. I did long distance. I was in college. It didn’t work. I grew up.

7. I’m not interested in taking care of someone who can’t even take care of himself, let alone me. I’m grown. I support myself. I expect that you do the same.

8. I’m not interested in listening to married men complain to me about their wives. I’m not your therapist. I know you “can’t talk to her the way you can talk to me”… That’s probably because you’re busy talking about her to other women.

9. I’m not interested in giving the green light to someone who’s been pursuing me, only to have him pump the brakes. Boy bye. If all you’re interested in is the chase, get a puppy. You can chase him around all day.

10. I’m not interested in wasting time with someone who wastes mine.

11.  I’m not interested in responding to texts asking me for pictures. I have an Instagram account with 900 photos for you to peruse at your heart’s desire. You’ll get pictures without even having to ask when I have decided I WANT to send them. STOP ASKING RESPECTABLE WOMEN FOR PICTURES!!!!!

12. I’m a strong woman. I want a stronger man. I’m not interested in mentally, spiritually, or emotionally weak men.

13.  I’m not interested in being your “friend” either. I have more than enough friends. I’m not interested in pretending to be “friends” with someone who’s not actually interested in being my friend.

We appreciate the effort. We really do. But when she says she’s not interested, get your panties out of your @$$ and keep it movin. Don’t insult her just because she’s not interested. If you do, your immaturity is precisely what she’s not interested in.

She’s been through it all. She’s tired of the Tom foolery. She’s made excuses for boys masquerading as men. She’s fought for men who didn’t fight for her. She’s given too many second chances to cowards and creeps. She’s compromised in constant efforts to give the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe she’s interested in someone who doesn’t act like the rest. Maybe she’s interested in someone who understands that a great woman is a man’s best asset. Maybe she’s interested in a man who has an attention span longer than a squirrel’s.

There are plenty of fish in the sea; thousands of other doors to knock on. Don’t take something so personal from someone who doesn’t know you personally.

…..
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PS

Find me a man who loves God above all else, understands the value of communication, knows how to court a woman, is more interested in pursuing his career than chasing tail, understands the definition of loyalty, is a considerate not entirely selfish human being, has good credit, makes sound financial decisions, is a man of integrity, knows how to pick his battles, knows how to fight for what needs to be fought for, follows through on his word, has goals he’s actively pursuing, is ready for a partner, doesn’t have several children that are accompanied by unstable homicidal baby mamas, makes me feel special, and knows how to spell… THAT’S the guy I’m interested in. I still believe he exists…  Scratch that. Just find me the first part. The rest will fall into place.

What Happened to Integrity?

The 8th Deadly Sin: Wasting Someone’s Time.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Time is money.” I’ve been running my own businesses, setting my own schedule for the majority of my adult life. Ask anyone who’s run a business, owned a business, been in sales, etc. and they’ll attest to this truth.

But ask anyone in their later years and they’ll almost always tell you that in actuality, time is more valuable than money.

You can always make more money. But you can never buy back more time.

……

Remember when we were in middle school, back in 10 BC (before cellphones) and we made plans to meet up with friends at the movies on a Friday night? Remember how we actually showed up? There was no way to call or text someone last minute to say we were running late or weren’t coming (because something or someone “better” popped up. 😳). If we were late, we missed out. Remember when we made plans we actually intended on keeping? Remember when “I’ll call you later” really meant “I’ll call you later”? Remember when we were taught better?

Somewhere along the lines of text messaging and cell phones, of being politically correct and not wanting to “hurt anyone’s feelings”, we lost the value of our word. It’s too easy now to run late or cancel plans. We’ve developed “smarter” technology and dumber communication.

What happened to integrity?

Running late is one thing (Sorry Mr. Davidson/Southwest Airlines/every boyfriend I’ve ever had… I promise I’m working on it). Rescheduling is another. Going ghost on someone you’ve made plans with (even if said plans are tentative) the rest of the day/week/month when that person tries to get in contact with you is just flat out inconsiderate.

How you value someone’s time is indicative of how you value them.

For a generation that is on our phones for an obscene amount of time (guilty as charged 🙋), consistent lack of response to anyone is a deliberate display of disrespect. If you can post a tweet but can’t respond to a text, don’t even bother responding. Your message is loud and clear.

If it happens once or twice, we get it. We’re all busy. We’ve all missed texts/fallen asleep/lost our phones/had a battery die/forgotten to respond/had a text message get stuck in iMessage-less cyberspace. But if this is a consistent habit, you may want to check yourself. People aren’t going to give you unlimited chances to waste their time.

An opportunity is a terrible thing to waste.

Word is Bond
Word is 007

If you’re worried that having to reschedule or cancel plans will make someone upset, so you decide the better option is to just not contact them at all, you’re dealing with the wrong people.

In friendships, in relationships, in business in life, as soon as you know you may have to change or reschedule or cancel plans/a timeline you previously set as an expectation, just let someone know. To have someone waiting around indefinitely is tacky. And rude. And selfish. And inconsiderate. Flake on me once, shame on you. Flake on me twice… good luck with that. ✌️ (Cue Beyoncé “Irreplaceable”. 🎶You must not know bout me. You must not know bout me🎶).

IF YOU WOULDN’T DO IT TO A CLIENT/BUSINESS CONNECT/POTENTIAL OR CURRENT EMPLOYER, ETC. WHY DO IT TO SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY MATTERS TO YOU? If you wouldn’t treat your wallet that way, don’t treat your heart that way. Remember, the right partner will help you build a bigger empire than you could ever build on your own.

A wise man once said, “A man has 2 things in this world: his word and his balls”…
And testicular cancer is on the rise.*

Communication is sexy.
Common courtesy is required.
Get with it.

*Disclaimer: I have no idea if testicular cancer is actually on the rise. It’s just my only explanation as to the current state of affairs.