Tag Archives: life lessons

The Answer

Daddy, we need You.

Our police departments are broken. Our law enforcement agencies are broken. Our judicial system is broken. Our prison system is broken. Our country is broken. Our people are broken…  Our capacity for empathy is broken. Our willingness to listen and understand is broken. Our humility is broken. Our pride blinds us, our fear of being wrong suffocates us, our ignorance stifles us, and our complacency is killing us. Where is our humanity? Where is our humility? Where is our love? Where is our respect for human life? Another name added to the list of people whose country has turned its back on the people who broke their backs to build it. The list is too long. There are too many hashtags.

I realized I’ve been waiting for this. Since Freddie Gray, I’ve been waiting for this. Who will be next? It was only a matter of time. I’ve been angry, sad, disgusted, outraged, and every time, after I’ve exhausted every emotion, I fall to my knees and weep. I weep for every mother who has buried a child, I weep for every child who has buried a parent, I weep for every human being – no different than I except for varying levels of melanin in their skin. A variation in melanin intended by its Creator to be a work of art. A variation that we’ve turned into a means to demonize anything that is different from ourselves, as if appreciating the beauty in someone else somehow subtracts from our own. A variation in melanin that dictates everything from access to opportunity to how we are perceived by people who do not know our character but choose to judge us in ways they wouldn’t dream of being judged. I weep for each and every one of them. Humans. People. Brothers. Sisters. Mothers. Fathers. Friends. I weep for the feeling and thoughts they must have had in their last breaths – fear mixed with peaceful acceptance of their fate. “So this is what is to become of me. I’ve watched it happen to countless others, now it is my turn.” I fall to my knees and weep. And every time I ask God, “Why?”

Why do so many people who look like me have such a hard time seeing the truth? Why aren’t more people who look like me shaking in rage? Why can’t more people who look like me accept that there can be good people wrapped up in a bad institution? Why can’t more people who look like me acknowledge that one can identify a problem without assuming that he will be blamed for it? Why don’t more people who look like me seek to understand before being understood? Why don’t more people who look like me accept that history runs deep, and if we tell the broken-hearted that for every year spent with a lover it will take 2 to heal, it is foolish to expect 300 year old wounds to be forgotten in half the time? Why can’t more people who look like me be appalled at slavery, injustice, Jim Crow and his son the Prison Industrial Complex, without thinking it means they’re taking responsibility for it? Why don’t more people choose self-reflection? Why are we so fearful of change? Why do so many leaders choose pride over principle?

And every time I ask Him Why, He reminds me that asking Why is not my place and asking Why will not solve injustice. Asking Why will not bring anyone back from the grave & asking Why will not fix a broken system that was never intended to be fixed. The answer to Why is because we live in a fallen world full of fallen people. Bernie Sanders can’t fix it. Hillary can’t fix it. Chris Christie can’t fix it. Obama couldn’t fix it. Vibes and crystals and karma can’t fix it. Our obsession with self love and slacktivism can’t fix it. Only Jesus can fix it. He is crying for His children to return to Him.

The problem is always sin. The answer is always Him.


Not Interested

I sold books door-to-door in college… 80 hours a week, for 12 weeks, for 5 summers. I knocked on roughly 15,000 doors. I’ve heard the phrase, “I’m not interested” at least 500 times. “I’m not interested” doesn’t really phase me.

But say “I’m not interested” to a man, and he looks at you like you have a third eye. Along with the “Why are you single?” question often comes the assumption that you should be interested in whatever said question-asker has to offer. They seem perplexed and offended that a woman may just not be interested in getting to know them. Gents, before you get your feelings hurt, understand that it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you.




So before you ask for her number before you’ve even asked her name, and before you get offended by her response, here are 13 reasons she may not be interested:

1. I’m not interested in getting to know someone who I already know doesn’t share or respect my values. It’s a waste of time. And I’m not in the business of wasting time.

2. I’m not interested in a textationship. If you can’t pick up the phone and have a conversation, I don’t have time for you.

3. I’m not interested in pretending to be attracted to people I’m not attracted to. Don’t get me wrong, a great personality can make you look better and a terrible personality can make the most physically attractive person ugly. Call me vain, call me shallow, call me whatever you like, but if I spend more than a few days with you and your shining personality still hasn’t made you any cuter to me, I’m not interested in faking it.

4. I’m not interested in “hanging out” with a man who hasn’t offered to TAKE me out.




5. I’m not interested in giving my number to someone I’m going to have to politely decline later. Let’s just save ourselves the hassle now.

6. I’m not interested in someone who doesn’t live in my city. I did long distance. I was in college. It didn’t work. I grew up.

7. I’m not interested in taking care of someone who can’t even take care of himself, let alone me. I’m grown. I support myself. I expect that you do the same.

8. I’m not interested in listening to married men complain to me about their wives. I’m not your therapist. I know you “can’t talk to her the way you can talk to me”… That’s probably because you’re busy talking about her to other women.

9. I’m not interested in giving the green light to someone who’s been pursuing me, only to have him pump the brakes. Boy bye. If all you’re interested in is the chase, get a puppy. You can chase him around all day.

10. I’m not interested in wasting time with someone who wastes mine.

11.  I’m not interested in responding to texts asking me for pictures. I have an Instagram account with 900 photos for you to peruse at your heart’s desire. You’ll get pictures without even having to ask when I have decided I WANT to send them. STOP ASKING RESPECTABLE WOMEN FOR PICTURES!!!!!

12. I’m a strong woman. I want a stronger man. I’m not interested in mentally, spiritually, or emotionally weak men.

13.  I’m not interested in being your “friend” either. I have more than enough friends. I’m not interested in pretending to be “friends” with someone who’s not actually interested in being my friend.

We appreciate the effort. We really do. But when she says she’s not interested, get your panties out of your @$$ and keep it movin. Don’t insult her just because she’s not interested. If you do, your immaturity is precisely what she’s not interested in.

She’s been through it all. She’s tired of the Tom foolery. She’s made excuses for boys masquerading as men. She’s fought for men who didn’t fight for her. She’s given too many second chances to cowards and creeps. She’s compromised in constant efforts to give the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe she’s interested in someone who doesn’t act like the rest. Maybe she’s interested in someone who understands that a great woman is a man’s best asset. Maybe she’s interested in a man who has an attention span longer than a squirrel’s.

There are plenty of fish in the sea; thousands of other doors to knock on. Don’t take something so personal from someone who doesn’t know you personally.



Find me a man who loves God above all else, understands the value of communication, knows how to court a woman, is more interested in pursuing his career than chasing tail, understands the definition of loyalty, is a considerate not entirely selfish human being, has good credit, makes sound financial decisions, is a man of integrity, knows how to pick his battles, knows how to fight for what needs to be fought for, follows through on his word, has goals he’s actively pursuing, is ready for a partner, doesn’t have several children that are accompanied by unstable homicidal baby mamas, makes me feel special, and knows how to spell… THAT’S the guy I’m interested in. I still believe he exists…  Scratch that. Just find me the first part. The rest will fall into place.

What Happened to Integrity?

The 8th Deadly Sin: Wasting Someone’s Time.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Time is money.” I’ve been running my own businesses, setting my own schedule for the majority of my adult life. Ask anyone who’s run a business, owned a business, been in sales, etc. and they’ll attest to this truth.

But ask anyone in their later years and they’ll almost always tell you that in actuality, time is more valuable than money.

You can always make more money. But you can never buy back more time.


Remember when we were in middle school, back in 10 BC (before cellphones) and we made plans to meet up with friends at the movies on a Friday night? Remember how we actually showed up? There was no way to call or text someone last minute to say we were running late or weren’t coming (because something or someone “better” popped up. 😳). If we were late, we missed out. Remember when we made plans we actually intended on keeping? Remember when “I’ll call you later” really meant “I’ll call you later”? Remember when we were taught better?

Somewhere along the lines of text messaging and cell phones, of being politically correct and not wanting to “hurt anyone’s feelings”, we lost the value of our word. It’s too easy now to run late or cancel plans. We’ve developed “smarter” technology and dumber communication.

What happened to integrity?

Running late is one thing (Sorry Mr. Davidson/Southwest Airlines/every boyfriend I’ve ever had… I promise I’m working on it). Rescheduling is another. Going ghost on someone you’ve made plans with (even if said plans are tentative) the rest of the day/week/month when that person tries to get in contact with you is just flat out inconsiderate.

How you value someone’s time is indicative of how you value them.

For a generation that is on our phones for an obscene amount of time (guilty as charged 🙋), consistent lack of response to anyone is a deliberate display of disrespect. If you can post a tweet but can’t respond to a text, don’t even bother responding. Your message is loud and clear.

If it happens once or twice, we get it. We’re all busy. We’ve all missed texts/fallen asleep/lost our phones/had a battery die/forgotten to respond/had a text message get stuck in iMessage-less cyberspace. But if this is a consistent habit, you may want to check yourself. People aren’t going to give you unlimited chances to waste their time.

An opportunity is a terrible thing to waste.

Word is Bond
Word is 007

If you’re worried that having to reschedule or cancel plans will make someone upset, so you decide the better option is to just not contact them at all, you’re dealing with the wrong people.

In friendships, in relationships, in business in life, as soon as you know you may have to change or reschedule or cancel plans/a timeline you previously set as an expectation, just let someone know. To have someone waiting around indefinitely is tacky. And rude. And selfish. And inconsiderate. Flake on me once, shame on you. Flake on me twice… good luck with that. ✌️ (Cue Beyoncé “Irreplaceable”. 🎶You must not know bout me. You must not know bout me🎶).

IF YOU WOULDN’T DO IT TO A CLIENT/BUSINESS CONNECT/POTENTIAL OR CURRENT EMPLOYER, ETC. WHY DO IT TO SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY MATTERS TO YOU? If you wouldn’t treat your wallet that way, don’t treat your heart that way. Remember, the right partner will help you build a bigger empire than you could ever build on your own.

A wise man once said, “A man has 2 things in this world: his word and his balls”…
And testicular cancer is on the rise.*

Communication is sexy.
Common courtesy is required.
Get with it.

*Disclaimer: I have no idea if testicular cancer is actually on the rise. It’s just my only explanation as to the current state of affairs.

Lessons for the Question, “Why Are You Single?”

The most important relationship you will have is the one with yourself.
The most important relationship you will ever have , outside of your relationship with your Creator, is the one you have with yourself.

Friendly reminder:

“Single” is not a sickness.

Before you utter those 4 famously annoying words – “Why are you single?” – here are 7 reasons she may be CHOOSING to ride solo dolo:

1. She may be focused on what she’s building & she may not yet have found someone who doesn’t distract from her goals.

2. She may have standards that haven’t been met yet. And she may have passed the stage in life where she’s willing to waste time on people, places or things that show no promise for her future. 

3. She may be single because she receives text messages asking if she wants to “hang out” instead of phone calls asking to take her out.

4. Maybe she’s single because God has yet to reveal her King. HE may be the one who’s not ready for her yet.

5. She may be single because the last guy waged war on her heart and she knows the next guy doesn’t deserve to be punished for it.

6. She may be single because she knows she’s not yet ready to give the time, energy, & effort that a relationship deserves… and she’s not in the business of wasting people’s time. 

7. And finally, maybe, just maybe, she WANTS to be single.

When you ask a woman why she’s single with that ever-present twinge of astonishment in your voice, we get that it’s supposed to be a compliment. (“You’re so amazing. How have you not been ‘snatched up’ yet?”). In reality, it comes across as either too lazy to come up with something original like an ACTUAL compliment, or a not-so-cleverly disguised back-handed insult (“Let me Sherlock Holmes you to find out what’s ‘wrong’ with you that you ‘can’t keep a man’.”).

It implies that we need one of you (yeah, you – in all your belchy, crotch scratchy, oblivious, smelly, leave-whiskers-on-the-sink-and-socks-on-the-floor glory) to complete our happiness. Maybe she’s single because she doesn’t want to have to put the cap back on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down every morning… Maybe she likes that she has the freedom to talk to whomever she so pleases without having to worry about her man getting his feelings hurt. Maybe she prefers the solitude and sanctity of her peaceful Saturdays to herself, or carefree Sunday Fundays with friends. Maybe she’ll want to share those things with a significant other at some point. (As disgusting as some of you may be, you can be pretty amazing sometimes too). Or maybe she won’t. And guess what? She’s entitled to that.

Single is not always indicative of a problem. Serial monogamy on the other hand is. Choosing to be alone and work on your personal growth is a greater display of strength than needing a warm body to sleep next to at night. 

I don’t want to need you. I want to want you. I want to choose you. Choice: That’s more powerful than need. The goal is not dependence. The goal is interdependence. 

Whatever “marital status” category you fall under, I hope it brings your more joy than sorrow, more smiles than tears. There are plenty of lonely people in unfulfilling relationships. 

Please remember, love is not just about finding the “right” person. There is no perfect person. Love is about BEING the right person. 

Fall in love with the person you see in the mirror first. When you have something great, you don’t waste time on anything that might compromise that.

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude”

~Warsan Shire


Eph 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. HE gave up his life for her.” 👈 Maybe she’s waiting for the guy who still believes in that kind of love…

50 Lessons I’ve Learned Thus Far

There’s something about birthdays that often calls for reflection. What have I learned? What would I do differently? If I could go back 10 years, what would I tell 21 year old me? How can I continue to improve?

I’m a continual work in progress. I’ll never stop learning, growing, making mistakes, and trying to be better. As I look forward to the next 10 years, these are a few of the lessons I’ve learned along the way…

Birthday Lessons


  1. Compare yourself to no one but the person you were yesterday. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t let anyone tell you you haven’t done enough when you know you’ve given your best.
  2. Think before you speak, listen more than you talk, give more than you take.
  3. The loudest person in the room often has the least to say. Let your successes speak for you.
  4. Spelling and grammar matter… 100% of the time.
  5. No FLOTUS ever sent a nude. Be careful with actions you can’t undo.
  6. Cry when you need to cry. Don’t apologize for your emotions. You don’t have to be perfect. Give yourself a break.
  7. Forgive those who hurt you most, yourself included. You’re allowed to forgive people without allowing them back into your life. People are allowed to do the same to you.
  8. It is not your place to ask God, “Why?” Trust His plan, trust His timing, and appreciate unanswered prayers. When God closes a door, lock it.
  9. Nobody is worth you compromising your dignity. Nobody. Love and respect should go hand in hand.
  10. Tithe. God multiplies.
  11. Words have power. Be mindful of yours… Especially the ones you tell yourself. Honesty never has to be brutal. And just because you can voice your opinions all over the internet doesn’t mean you should. Get a journal.
  12. Know when and how to say “Please”, “Thank you”, “No thank you,” and “I’m sorry,” without having to defend yourself. An apology with conditions is not an apology.
  13. Have a deliberate, positive, gratitude-filled, solo morning routine. How you spend your morning will shape your entire day.
  14. Be mindful of what you put in your body and how you treat it. You have one life to live and one body to live it in. Don’t poison it. Eat the dessert… but in moderation. An hour on the treadmill does not erase eating an entire cheesecake. Exercise regularly, eat well, drink lots of water, and get adequate rest. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” is stupid. If you don’t listen to your body when it tells you to slow down, it will MAKE you slow down. Just listen.
  15. Travel. Early. Often. Everywhere you can. Try the food. Learn the language. Swim in the ocean. Dig your toes in the sand. Step off the grounds of the resort…(safely). Don’t be so busy taking pictures that you miss out on the whole experience.
  16. You’re as strong as you choose to be. You have little control over what happens to you, but total control over your response. Refuse to live your life as a victim. Your history does not have to be your legacy.
  17. Don’t ignore red flags. Trust your intuition.
  18. A handwritten note is a powerful thing.
  19. Your gifts are meant to be shared. Share them. Use your blessings to bless others.
  20. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Ask for what you want. Speak up. Voice your expectations. Clear communication will solve 99% of your problems with other people. If you want God to answer your prayers, you have to start by praying.
  21. Be impeccable with your word. Follow through. Words without action are useless.
  22. Surround yourself with people who you can continuously learn from. Ask questions, even if you think you have all the answers. (You don’t). If you want to be great, study the greats. Never. Stop. Learning.
  23. The 3 things that will impact you most in life are the people you meet, the places you go, and the books you read. Read good books.
  24. Be the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for. The most important project you’ll ever work on is yourself.
  25. You cannot change a man. Just find one who’s willing and committed to growing with you.
  26. Give someone adequate time to prove who they are before inviting them into your intimate space. Guard your heart. You’ll save yourself a whole lotta heartbreak if you’ll just slow down the process.
  27. If you “loan” someone money, consider it a gift. Let yourself be pleasantly surprised if they ever actually pay you back.
  28. Be patient with, kind to, and helpful toward the elderly. They have a lifetime of wisdom to share if you’ll let them. And God-willing, you’ll be one of them one day. Treat them with the dignity and respect you hope to receive.
  29. Wear sunscreen. Wrinkles and cancer aren’t worth a tan… Besides, there are lotions for that now.
  30. Your parents may not have been perfect, but they probably did the best they could. Even if they didn’t, forgive their mishaps. Be grateful for the lessons you can learn. You cannot build a positive legacy with a bitter heart.
  31. The best things in life require work, dedication, perseverance, passion, positivity, enthusiasm, and patience. Know what you want. Give it your all. Give it time. And if it really matters to you, never give up.
  32. There’s a difference between busyness and productivity. It’s better to work smarter than simply to work harder. Learn how to delegate.
  33. Always have something ready to wear to a formal event. You never know when you’ll need it.
  34. Save. Early & often. Make your money make money for you. Don’t sacrifice long term goals for short term gratification.
  35. Whether you like it or not, you are a reflection of the people you surround yourself with. Choose wisely.
  36. Admit and embrace your mistakes and shortcomings – Early, humbly, and before criticizing or condemning someone else’s. The sooner you address your own issues, the sooner you can grow from them. It’s amazing how much more open to constructive criticism people are when it’s coming from a place of humility.
  37. Celebrate diversity and be open to change. There is beauty in variety and you are not always right. A closed mind should come with a closed mouth.
  38. Don’t let anyone tell you that you “can’t” do something, yourself included. If it does not harm someone else and you want it bad enough, find a way to make it happen. Nobody is really interested in your excuses anyway.
  39. Children need their fathers. Keep your negative comments about him to yourself and your therapist. At one point in time, you chose him. How you speak about your children will stick with them. A distant, negative, uninterested father is a damaging thing.
  40. Understand the difference between secret and private. Love doesn’t require sneaking around. It also doesn’t require an audience.
  41. Wake up earlier. Show up earlier.
  42. You get one chance to make a first impression. Hygiene matters. Smile all the time. You never know who’s looking. Look people in the eye when speaking or being spoken to. Address people by the titles they’ve worked to achieve.
  43. Speak up when something isn’t right. Resolve to be a voice for people who can’t or won’t speak for themselves. Strive to do what’s right, not for recognition, but simply because it’s right.
  44. Eyes on the road. Seriously. Pay attention because almost nobody else is. Learn right-of-way rules and follow them. And for the love of everything holy, use your turn signals!
  45. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you the best way they know how. The goal isn’t to get everyone to love the same. The goal is to find people who love like you do.
  46. Volunteer. Nothing reminds you of how blessed you are like seeing people who are happier with less. The key to achieving everything you want is in helping enough other people achieve what they want.
  47. How you maintain your home is a reflection of how you maintain your life. A cluttered home reflects a cluttered mind. Color your home with art, music and laughter. They are literally the backdrop and soundtrack to your life.
  48. Be kind, courteous, and considerate. You never know what people are going through. And you never know who you’ll need a favor from later. Nobody makes it to the top alone. Nobody.
  49. Don’t let fear, doubt, or concern hold you back from what you know you were put here to do. Your greatness is waiting for you outside of your comfort zone. Be great. Leave your legacy. Your purpose does not require anyone else’s approval.
  50. Stand up for what you believe in; Fight for what you love.


Here’s to the next decade of lessons… xo.