I prayed for you today; I do every day. I prayed for wisdom and strength and patience and peace. I prayed that you took time to eat well, take care of yourself, and find joy in today. I pray that you know how much I love you – that your dreams are my dreams and my heart is yours. I pray that you know I’m fighting for you just as much as you’re fighting for me. I pray that you find comfort and strength to withstand trials and temptations, knowing I’m waiting for you.
I know that you’re working on you so that you can be the man He’s called you to be for me.
I just want you to know I’m doing the same.
There have been more than a few guys who’ve tried to take your place. There have been times, I have to admit, that I’ve found myself in the arms of one of these imposters – feeling a sense of emptiness – knowing he wasn’t you.
I’m so sorry my love.
There have been times when my impatience has led me to seek the affection of actors playing your role.
It took a long time to recognize the Queen in me. It took heartbreaks and heartaches, hurt, pain, shame, and disappointments to learn how to spot these imposters. It took assaults on my heart to learn my worth. It took building up walls and then taking them down, brick by brick. It took the love of a Father to repair what selfish men had broken.
But I’ve never been sorry for loving. I never will be. How can I regret experiences that taught me the immeasurable capacity of my heart? My battles have made me stronger. I’ve learned to embrace the beauty in my scars.
I’ve learned to see right through everyone who isn’t you. Once I saw the Queen in me, it became easy to recognize their lack of royalty. None of them have the perfect combination of your character, ambition, strength and tenderness.
The reality is, no one can compare to the man you are.
You are bold yet forgiving, passionate yet patient. You are thoughtful and considerate and giving and kind. You’re fun and funny, spontaneous yet deliberate. Your greatest strength lies in your heart for service, your most beautiful quality – your heart for God. You are the most compassionate man I’ve never known.
You have the faithful obedience of Abraham, the unquestioning faith of Noah, the unbelievable tenacity of Job, the wisdom of Solomon, the purpose-filled vision of Paul, the patience of Joshua, the humble leadership of Moses, the humility of Daniel, the strength of Gideon, the heart of David, and the selfless love of Christ.
I promise to do my best to love you the way my Father loves me; to show you agape love in the best way I can. Though my love won’t be perfect, I promise to give you a love without conditions, a love without strings, a love that strives to embody Corinthians 13: Patient and kind and keeping no record of wrongs; Forgiving, humble, bold, and selfless; Not jealous or prideful, but proud of you. I will protect you, trust you, hope for you, and persevere. I will find peace, strength, joy, and fulfillment in the love you have for me. I will never fail you.
I can’t promise there will always be sunshine. There will be times when I push every button, days when we don’t see eye to eye. There will be moments when the world seems like it’s crashing in on you. There will be trials and temptations and disappointments. I can’t promise perfection.
What I can promise is support, communication, patience, and love. I can promise to do my best to think before I speak, to try to understand before seeking to be understood, to listen with the intent to hear you, rather than with the intent to reply. I can promise to do my best to make you feel important, respected, desired, heard, and needed.
I promise to embrace your vision and hold you accountable to your goals. Let me encourage your purpose and help you achieve your dreams as much as you help me fulfill mine. I promise to be your biggest supporter, #1 fan, greatest confidant, and best friend.
I promise to trust you. I will not allow the pain of past deceit to cloud the truth in which you live. I will open my heart and entrust you with its wellbeing.
I know you’ll do the same.
I look forward to coming home to you on Friday evenings and waking up intertwined in you on Saturday mornings. I can’t wait to rub your shoulders and scratch your back; leave notes for you on the bathroom mirror and the scent of me on your skin. There will be few greater joys than the privilege of whispering in your ear how much you mean to me, to the people you work with, to the world. Let me cook your favorite meals for you – the ones that remind you of family and love and childhood joys. Let’s make breakfast together on Sunday mornings and walk hand-in-hand through the doors at church.
I smile at the thought of you planning beautiful memories for us – amazing trips and sunny beach days, hikes in the rain and bubble baths at home, exploring museums, seeing concerts and shows, coming home to notes telling me to be ready by 8. I’ll lay out your clothes for the morning in the same way you lay out mine for the evening.
Let’s play mini golf and race go karts and have water balloon fights and play tag. I want to swim in oceans with you and kiss under waterfalls. The songs I write for you will be the words of my heart.
I can’t wait to meet you in a place, a world, a realm beyond all understanding – pure euphoria, a greater high than any drug could provide, every time my soul meets yours when we make love. I’ll be the one to fulfill every wish, desire, fantasy & prayer.
We’ll throw parties on Super Bowl Sunday and host game night dinners with friends. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and the Fourth of July will be annual events in our home. I want the love we have for God and the love we have for each other to inspire even strangers passing us on the street.
I love you the way the sun loves the moon, the way the moon loves the tides, the way the day loves the night. One does not thrive without the other. They are each other’s balancing act.
I love the way you manage to find joy and peace in less than perfect circumstances, the way you laugh at my stupid jokes, make stupid jokes of your own, and the way your smile lights up a room. I love your laugh.
I love the way your humble strength makes people feel safe, warm, and welcome. And I love your grounded sense of perspective that keeps you from losing your cool. I love the way you speak so eloquently, holding me to a higher standard, calling me out when I need it, but always in love. I love the brilliance and unlimited potential of your mind. I love the way you effortlessly lead. I love your quiet confidence. I love the determination in your grind.
I love the way your eyes shine when you look at me, telling me the depth of your love more eloquently than your beautiful words ever could. I love your artistry and creativity and your dedication to your craft. I love your passion. I love watching you work. I love the genuine heart you have for people and your desire to leave the world a better place. I love the way you listen, I love the way you care.
Most of all, I love your hands – those five-fingered cradles made to hold my heart, caress my skin, grab me by the waist, run through my hair, pull out my chair, smooth out my dress, rub my feet, cradle my face, massage my skin, smack my behind, open my doors, catch my tears, and hold our future children. Your hands – a perfect combination of tenderness and strength – they are my favorite part of you.
I look forward to the day when the work I’ve done to become the woman you deserve lines up with the life you’ve prepared to be the man I need.
Until then, I’ll be praying for you and working on me.
All of me loves all of you.
I love you,